A survey conducted by an on-line dating agency has revealed that the number of romantic encounters recorded annually whilst dog-walking has plummeted drastically, largely in part to the social stigma of carrying around a “shit in a bag”.
Since by-laws relating to the correct disposal of dog faeces have been appropriately enforced by local councils, many dog walkers actively looking for love have noticed a significant decline in their love lives.
“Literally haven’t had a sniff in months” declared Martin, 36 year old dog owner from Basildon. “In the past I’d splash on a bit of CK One before hitting the park with Buster and I’d get loads of attention. Now if I stop to chat to a pretty woman I see on our walk, I’m quickly reminded that I’m swinging around a freshly baked Labrador turd in a small black bag”
Pug breeder Martha, 48 echoes this sentiment. “I spend hundreds of pounds on Pixie each month on grooming appointments, dog pedicures and outfits to make her look as pretty as I can. The only accessory I get to carry around these days stinks of her tuna lunch and does me absolutely no favours with the opposite sex”.
Many of the large on-line dating services are issuing guidelines to help dog owners find romance out on the heath. Initiatives offered include refining the sulphur rich content in your dog’s diet to reduce the smell, double bagging to ensure the faeces cannot be seen through the poor quality bags or simply casting the recent deposit high up the nearest tree for everyone to enjoy.