A thirty-something high ranking manager at a large national company this week admitted to feeling more comfortable about their excessive daily drinking habits after observing the contents of their neighbours’ glass recycling bin.
The working professional, who wished to remain anonymous, declared this was a victory for the stressed-out modern employee “It’s absolutely great to know that there’s someone out there managing their anxieties and stress by hitting the wine harder than I am” He added “I won’t feel so guilty queuing up in Tesco Express daily now with a bottle of Malbec being served by the same check-out girl and her looks of perpetual derision”.
The opportunity to view the contents of the neighbours’ recycling arrived by complete chance. “Everyone knows that if it’s a Bank Holiday week the glass recycling is collected a day later. Unfortunately for my neighbour this fact had escaped him and he was left with his weekly glass collection on full view for everyone to look down their nose upon for another 24 hours”
Despite this renewed feeling of self worth, it appears this revelation won’t be changing his habitual drinking patterns “I’ll continue to procure wine daily on the way home from work and ensure that when I do put the recycling out that I don’t allow the glass to clink together at 06:45am on collection day to alert my neighbours as to the contents of my bin. I’ll just do it knowing that there’s someone living close by with a fattier and more dysfunctional liver than I have”.