A 38 year old Media Studies graduate who had assembled a comprehensive collection of seminal film releases on DVD, many of which he’d never watched, last night admitted that he now feels too ashamed to have it displayed pride of place in his living room.
The vast spectrum of movies had originally been procured in a veiled attempt to display an encyclopedic knowledge of cult film classics and disguise his social inadequacies. This misdirection would then prove invaluable on the odd occasion that he had visitors to his one bedroom apartment. The ex-student explained “It’s an inescapable fact that having films such as Betty Blue and Amelie on full view should someone of the opposite sex visit did make me more appealing and disguise the obvious flaws in my personality. Equally, if I had a male acquaintance come over to hang out I would always ensure that the Big Lebowski and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas would be in a prominent position in the bespoke display cabinet”
However, the development of alternative formats and the popularity of on-line streaming services have rendered the collection, largely collated from the bargain bucket in Blockbuster, grossly obsolete. “It’s an absolute nightmare. I now have a living archive to the 1990’s taking up invaluable square footage in my flat. It’s must give off the impression that I’m either too tight to subscribe to Netflix or that I don’t have the capital to pretend to like the works of the Cohen Brothers in a more contemporary technology.”
When pressed on what he intended to do with the collection, he replied “It has no obvious value in its intended state. But as I’m now the owner of 300 bird deterrents, you won’t see a bloody starling within a three mile radius of my place”