A man who thought he had made a calculated and informed decision not to use a basket when completing his regular shop at a local high street convenience store yesterday regaled the horror of the moment he realised he had made a consequential mistake.
31 year old IT Recruitment specialist, Adam Saunders, entered the store confident that the mental shopping list he had compiled would safely fit neatly in to his coupled arms. The true gravity of the drama unfolding only became apparent when he scrutinised the size of the queue at checkout. “I am truly dismayed that I made such an elementary error in full view of the general public. To say I am embarrassed is an understatement” He added. “I do my small shop most nights at the Tesco Express on my estate, with my big shop being completed Sunday morning at Waitrose. I felt assured that what I needed to procure that fateful night could be a potential struggle to keep hold of but not outside of my physical limitations. I was gravely wrong”
As Mr Saunders walked around the store aisles in sequential fashion cumulatively amassing the processed sustenance needed to keep him alive, he began to realise that a couple of spontaneous and irregular shaped purchases may have rendered his original calculations obsolete. “It should have been a textbook shop. Two pints of full fat milk, a small Warbuton’s loaf, a microwave curry with a packet of poppadoms and a two litre bottle of Diet Coke. I didn’t factor in that the Diet Coke may have been on the cyclical ‘two for one’ offer or that a pipe of Pringles was available at a bargain £1.24”
On completion of his improvised shopping, he made his way dutifully towards the queue at the tills. A further miscalculation was to secure his ultimate downfall. “I began to experience an overwhelming feeling that I was in trouble as the asymmetrical nature of the load was starting to take its toil on me physically. The queue for the manned tills appeared shorter than the express checkouts, so I positioned myself systematically in line to be served. What I hadn’t rightfully assessed was the fact that the woman two in front of me appears to do her big shop in a Tesco Express.” As muscle fatigue set in and his biceps began to spasm sporadically, the extra bottle of Diet Coke slipped from his grasp which unsettled the already precarious assortment of goods.
“Every last item cascaded towards the floor. One of the bottles of Diet Coke rolled under the adjacent confectionery stand where I had to suffer the indignity of getting unceremoniously on my hands and knees to retrieve it. The poppadoms were crushed by the fall and the milk carton split, requiring the subsequent attention of a cleaning attendant and a yellow ‘Caution – Wet Floor” sign. It was a scene of pure devastation” He lamented.
After gathering his now spoiled purchases and unceremoniously dumping them in the basket he should have obtained on arrival, Mr Saunders sheepishly paid for his shopping and left through the automated doors humbled by the sequence of events that had transpired “It’s certainly a lesson learnt. I would implore anyone else thinking of taking the risk of shopping without an appropriate receptacle ‘Don’t multi-task it, put it in a basket'”